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#amwriting, condolences, death, Grief, K.R. Brorman author, life, personal, relationships, Writer's Block, Writing
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As writers we all face the dreaded “writer’s block”. There are billions of words of advice that teach us how to find the perfect words for our masterpieces. What happens when we need the words for someone else?
Every week, every day there are stories of tragedy in the news and for most of us, they are so removed from our little corners of the world, we can sympathize and empathize, but by the time the ripples reach us, our waters barely move.
This week the ripples hit close to home. Two tragedies that garnered national attention touched family and friends and us.
Massive wildfires in the Texas Panhandle, fueled by drought and high winds claimed four lives – so far. Young lives of people doing heroic acts, attempting to recuse cattle and save homes. One young man is a face I’ve seen every Christmas, and every six months for many years. Though I never knew his name. He is the son-in-law of our family dentist. We’ve been patients for years and heard grandchildren stories, noted the family photos around the office change as this new bride and groom grew their family and built a life that vanished in an instant.
Then there was the fatal accident in Biloxi when a bus became stuck on train tracks and three or four were killed (media reports differ) when the train was unable to stop in time. Two of the passengers were the parents of a women who is both family and friend. We were pregnant together with our daughters. LITERALLY, the girls were born a week apart. Our husbands are first cousins. We go to the same church. Her parents were fixtures at so many of our children’s milestone moments.
Where are my words? I’m a writer. Surely in this well of imagination and emotion and wonderful words there is something I can say to give comfort beyond the inadequacy of “I’m sorry.” When the tragic loss is so sudden, the blow so quick I don’t know that there are words. Or, I don’t know that the order of the words matter.
Eloquence and a beautifully crafted condolence is wonderful if it’s true and real. But I think often the best we can say, with all the wonderful words we have at our fingertips is –
You are not alone
We grieve with you.
We grieve for you.
You are not alone.
C C Cedras
K R Brorman
S A Young
7 Comments
March 11, 2017 at 1:52 pm
Or if you’re in the vicinity, a hug might be just the thing because they may be in a state of shock and can’t really hear you at that moment, anyway. A hug can be felt.
I was very sorry to hear those stories as well as some local stories regarding house fires here in Maryland.
March 11, 2017 at 2:01 pm
Yes, simple contact can say more than words. Our thoughts and prayers for those in Maryland.
March 11, 2017 at 4:36 pm
There’s been a lot of tragedy around the country lately.
March 11, 2017 at 2:12 pm
My heartfelt condolences to you and yours, K. Hugs.
Having been on the receiving end, the words may be a blur in the beginning — and hugs are wonderful — but the approach you outline is just right. It keeps the acknowledgement of and sympathies for the loss on them and their feelings. What some people struggle with is the attempt to establish a connection with the bereaved by comparing the immediate loss with their own experience. There can never be a comparison.
March 12, 2017 at 9:49 am
I also remember in the immediate aftermath of your loss, the well intentioned but ultimately hurtful “better place” offerings. I’ve said it and in hindsight wonder if t were more for my comfort than the bereaved. We must be careful who we are actually comforting.
March 11, 2017 at 2:35 pm
Beautifully said.
March 12, 2017 at 5:55 pm
Thank you. I hope to see my friend soon and will see my dentist tomorrow.