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Anniversary, C. C. Cedras author, death, Grief, Love and Loss, Memories, relationships
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Today is my wedding anniversary and I “celebrate” alone. This is the first anniversary since my darling husband died – just before Thanksgiving 2013.
Last year, more in love than ever, I blogged about our wedding anniversary. Every written word is just as true today as it was a year ago. Twenty years ago.
We’re told that when a person suffers a loss of a loved one that every holiday, special occasion, anniversary during the first year is especially painful and the grief is as fresh as the first day. To a great degree, I experienced this when my father died several years ago and still do from time to time, particularly on his birthday, Christmas … and my wedding anniversary that marked such a joyful day for my dad.
When we lose the love of our life, this axiom becomes a familiar presence and each occasion becomes both a time to dread and a time to look forward to with the joy of reliving the memories and moments that will break our heart forever.
Good friends and family are a blessing. They step up to engage, distract, entertain, sympathize and reminisce. Both tears and laughter are commonly shared. I pray that these people I love will be there next year too. And the year after that. And so on.
I am not alone on this day, but the pain of not sharing it with the person who meant the most to me is excruciating.
As I wrote one year ago,
Thank you, my darling husband – my love – for finding me, loving me and giving me the best years of my life.
April 2, 1994
I’m learning that grief shared can comfort and I know that all of us have experienced loss of some kind. Your thoughts?
C C Cedras
K R Brorman
S A Young
10 Comments
April 2, 2014 at 9:45 am
Words cannot adequately express just how much your words touch my heart. That you can get them out in such through such deep emotion and with such finesse is a testament to your character and your love. I’m sure it was part cathartic and part torture. (((HUGS)))
April 2, 2014 at 9:57 am
Dawn, I won’t lie. I cried through the whole process and even struggled with whether to write it at all. I don’t want to seem maudlin or pitiful. But it’s worthwhile if we are all able to touch each other and connect through our words.
Thank you, so much, for your caring thoughts.
April 2, 2014 at 9:50 am
The first year is definitely the worst, but the weight of loss never really gets lighter. We just get stronger, and better able to carry it. March 9 was the 5th anniversary of my mom’s death, and March 11 was her birthday. I still miss her just as much, but I find it’s easier now to focus on the happy memories, and less on the pain. Hugs, C.C.
April 2, 2014 at 9:59 am
This is not the first time you’ve mentored me in this, Lindsey. Thank you for sharing your own experience, it helps form a road map complete with warning signs along the way. I’m paying attention, I promise.
April 2, 2014 at 11:20 am
I wrote a version of this poem for my sister years ago. It is just as heartfelt for you now…
Sister
let me take this
Pink Pearl eraser to
rub out the
sadness
in your eyes
the aching
in your heart.
If I could only
take this pencil
and draw you
happiness.
Much love to you.
April 2, 2014 at 12:20 pm
Oh, Joan. This is so comforting and special, and it’s something more I can share with Audrey. Love to you.
April 2, 2014 at 2:02 pm
I’ve tried to find adequate words to bring you comfort and keep hitting delete. I’ve known the journey of losing a parent and the memories do stop bringing only tears and bring smiles instead. But time really is the only way that happens. The love the two of you obviously shared is something that will never fade away. It will be a part of every breath and every new experience. He will be right with you sharing those moments. Please know that you are held up in prayer and I hope you can find comfort in that when the grief is overwhelming.
April 2, 2014 at 2:55 pm
Jill, you are so kind, your words are far more than adequate and your thoughts and prayers DO bring comfort. I am really looking forward to the time when the joy of the memories outweighs the pain. I know it will come.
April 2, 2014 at 11:39 pm
Joan said it best…if I could draw you happiness I would do it every day. Thanks for sharing this special day with Steve and I. You know we love you and we will be there with you for years and years and years to come. Stevie will be bringing us cocktails when we are two old wrinkled women sitting on the porch admiring our gardens.
April 3, 2014 at 12:14 am
*chuckling at visual of us sitting on the porch while Steve brings us cocktails, getting intoxicated*
You both have my heartfelt thanks for, literally, holding my hand and surrounding me with love and distraction this evening — not to mention lovely wine and food — nourishing body and soul. Keith was with us, I know.
We are so blessed with friends who have steadfastly stood with us and who are now holding me up.
I love you.