Hermann Hesse

Today is my wedding anniversary and I “celebrate” alone. This is the first anniversary since my darling husband died – just before Thanksgiving 2013.

Last year, more in love than ever, I blogged about our wedding anniversary. Every written word is just as true today as it was a year ago. Twenty years ago.

We’re told that when a person suffers a loss of a loved one that every holiday, special occasion, anniversary during the first year is especially painful and the grief is as fresh as the first day. To a great degree, I experienced this when my father died several years ago and still do from time to time, particularly on his birthday, Christmas … and my wedding anniversary that marked such a joyful day for my dad.

When we lose the love of our life, this axiom becomes a familiar presence and each occasion becomes both a time to dread and a time to look forward to with the joy of reliving the memories and moments that will break our heart forever.

Good friends and family are a blessing. They step up to engage, distract, entertain, sympathize and reminisce. Both tears and laughter are commonly shared. I pray that these people I love will be there next year too. And the year after that. And so on.

I am not alone on this day, but the pain of not sharing it with the person who meant the most to me is excruciating.

As I wrote one year ago,

Thank you, my darling husband – my love – for finding me, loving me and giving me the best years of my life.


April 2, 1994

April 2, 1994

I’m learning that grief shared can comfort and I know that all of us have experienced loss of some kind. Your thoughts?