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C. C. Cedras author, fears, fiction, love, reading, romance, S.A. Young author, sex, Writing
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So here I am. Mother of two. Confirmed gutter brain. Closet vampire/paranormal romance and adult romance reader and writer. I’ve written this stuff! It’s been read. To a small select and relatively safe audience for sure, but this is not an unknown element to me. And a vital ingredient in the genre we’ve chosen to venture into as published authors….and yet.
Even though I can see the words, hear the voices, feel the emotions and have even written long hand I find myself balking at the S.E.X. scene(s) that MUST be written. Do I doubt my ability? Not really. I do not believe this is my forte, but I hold my own in the literary bedroom. It’s the wider audience I fear. Readers beyond the veil of internet friends and associations. GULP! Sisters-in-law. Teachers. My mother and children!
I’m not a prude. More than once my candid and frank discussion of sex with my kids has startled them to say the least. I am guilty of mocking those women who feign modesty or ignorance of how all this works. But, here I sit and can’t help thinking, “they will know what’s in my head.”
There’s a frightening thought, without naked people writhing in passion. Perhaps it’s the connection with this particular story? The birthing process has been a long one and I do feel more closely connected to them than in any other or the new stories churning in the steel trap.
Creativity in any outlet is an exercise in facing fears. Artists revealing the finished painting. Singing in front of a new audience. Taking the stage opening night. Handing over a first draft to editors or collaborators. There is the internal struggle between needing to express, desiring both approval and to bring pleasure. And the fear of rejection, failure or sometimes worse, being noticed at all.
I suppose like anything, the fear is worse than the reality. When sharing a new dish for the first time, I can hardly wait for family and friends to taste the latest from my kitchen. But the kitchen is where I am quite confident, sometimes bordering on arrogant. Fearlessness has been practiced. Time to close my eyes….typing can’t be any worse that’s for sure…and jump. Because honestly Himself refuses to allow me to see what happens next until the top is off the cookie jar. And I’m blessed to have a safely net. If it’s crap, S.A. Young and C.C. Cedras will hand it back for a do over.
Do you fear showing your work? Does the idea of a new audience excite or paralyze your creativity? What makes you jump?
C C Cedras
K R Brorman
S A Young
8 Comments
May 13, 2014 at 10:20 am
This is exactly why I don’t write anymore, not even for myself because my fear is what if someone I love finds it. I can encourage others to venture out in that direction but I cannot make Yolanda do the same thing. The good ideas will continue to float around between my ears.
May 13, 2014 at 1:49 pm
Thanks for the encouragement. I think you should keep writing if you enjoy it. The voices only get louder. 😉
May 13, 2014 at 10:42 am
As far as the s.e.x. goes, I got over that fear when I let my mother read the WIP lol. However, unleashing the rest of it, the writing as a whole, upon the world does scare me. Some days I feel Stuart Smalley.
May 13, 2014 at 1:50 pm
Gaaaah! Moms reading. I’ll think about that tomorrow!
May 13, 2014 at 11:35 am
I know what you mean. I write what might be called ‘general fiction’ so a lack of gentlemen with sharp teeth, but still, on occasion, I have to get a bit fruity in the bedroom. I have a book published now, and there are a couple of scenes where things become slightly excited and I was very aware, when I wrote them that my daughters might see them. Did it inhibit me? You bet the hell it did, but hopefully the book survived my natural reticence.
May 13, 2014 at 1:48 pm
Thank you Peter. I’m sure your daughters are or will be proud of the accomplished work. And I’m much feeling much less intimidated now. Post a link to your book for us and our blog followers. Sharp toothed gents not required.
May 13, 2014 at 1:10 pm
I can encourage all I want and I will 😀 but closing your eyes and just doing it, getting it out, putting on paper (or screen) no matter how it turns out is the first hurdle, but the biggest. Once it’s there then you can breathe
May 13, 2014 at 1:51 pm
Leaping today!
ps – was thinking of you when I talked about showing new paintings.